Niko shakes his head before coming

Niko shakes his head before coming to stand beside me. His gaze still trained on me, he gracefully lifts a hand, manipulating the giant branch to rise with the movement. It’s so easy for him, so seamless. Hell, he doesn’t even need to look at it. He sets it down just as gingerly and takes my face in his hands. “You’re forcing it. You’re doing this out of frustration and anger. What did I tell you that day when we watched Dorian extend the ward? Magic is delicate. It’s sensual. You must seduce it to make it come to you. Would you force a lover to please you? No, of course not. You would caress it. Worship it. Make love to it. Take it inside you and gently exhale as if you were blowing out a candle. I know you can do it, Gabs. Your heart is just broken right now, so you can’t imagine how you would channel those feelings. But there has to be something else you feel passion for.”


Passion.


Something I didn’t think I’d ever inherit again. So much so that the very word sounds foreign. Passion. Of course, I know I’m still capable of feeling it. But for what? And for who?


I step out of his hold and busy my mind with projecting all the confusion and restlessness I’ve felt these past day I’ve spent with Niko. How his body entices me. How his words challenge me. How that look he gives me…scares me. Not because I find him vicious or menacing. But because I’m afraid of what I’m beginning to feel for him. Or maybe it’s what I’ve felt all along. I just had Dorian to eclipse it.


As I raise my hand in a fluid motion, the branch moves with me, dangling in midair as if it is a feather carried by the wind. I don’t feel its burden. I am not strained with the task. It’s a vital part of me. Just as Niko has somehow made himself a vital part as well.


We’re lying in the grass several minutes later, sipping bottled water, when I turn to him and say, “Do you really think Dorian will fight us? Even you, his brother?”


He shrugs, gazing out at the water. “I wouldn’t be surprised. We were taught that surrender is weakness, and weakness is disease. Skotos’s fight until we’re dead, for all things we hold dear and precious.”


I nod, taking a moment to listen to the song of the wind whistling through the trees. I once had someone to fight for me like that. Someone who vowed to protect and love me until we both perished into earth. And now…now I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back.


“You don’t think that I’ll do it, huh?” I ask, my voice just barely a whisper. “You don’t think I’ll be able to fight him.”


“I don’t think you’ll want to fight him. There’s a big difference between ability and desire. It’s understandable that you would want to avoid hurting him.”


“And you?” I ask, turning my head to face him. I know he can feel my eyes on him, yet he keeps his gaze trained forward. “Will you try to avoid hurting him? Will you be able to fight your brother?”


I watch the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallows, contemplating my question. “If it comes to that, yes. If it came down to my life or his, I would do what it takes.” His eyes are on me in the next instant, full of blue fire. “And you’d be wise to do the same. Because he will hurt you, Gabriella, if given the chance. He won’t hesitate. Your life means nothing to him. And if killing you is all that stands between him and his agenda, then you’re already dead. Remember that when you see him. And don’t let your petty emotions let you forget it.”


I can only hold his gaze for a few seconds before I’m forced to look away in an attempt to hide the tears collecting in my eyes. I know he’s saying this to help me—to protect me—but why must he be so cruel? I get it—Dorian is gone. He doesn’t love me. But does my weakness for him disgust Niko so much that he can’t just show a little compassion? A little sensitivity?


I jump to my feet, with a renewed sense of determination birthed from anguish. “I’m ready to go again,” I mumble, brushing debris from my jeans.


“Gabs…”


“Again. I don’t want to sit around talking about this shit anymore. So either help me, or don’t. I really don’t care.”


I hear him exhale heavily behind me, his breath stirring the sweat-dampened hair on the back of my neck. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he whispers. “I could never want that. But I’d rather have you alive and pissed off at me, than dead because I told you what you wanted to hear. My words are out of necessity. Because you are necessary to me.”


I turn around to face him, eyes narrowed, because I could not have possibly heard him right. But his resolve doesn’t falter. He doesn’t backtrack or stammer to explain himself. He doesn’t take it back.


And I don’t want him to.


“Come on,” he finally says, taking my hand. “Let’s go again.”


We practice until I’m able to lift giant logs with the simple twitch of a finger. And when I’ve exhausted moving everything that isn’t rooted to the ground, Niko tries to teach me the art of phaneróō, or manifestation. We start slow, working on meditation to center myself. Although I’ve been able to do short distances in the past, it was totally sporadic and unintentional. Niko explains that trying it without proper focus could have me stuck in limbo, lost in a completely different dimension. And if I don’t know where I’m at, it’s almost impossible to come back.


“Ok, try from here to that tree over there,” he instructs, pointing at an Elm a few yards away. “You can see where you’re going; you know what’s there. Now, visualize the location in your mind and transport your thoughts there.”


I take a deep breath, following his directions to a T. Letting my eyes flutter closed for just a second, I envision standing under the great Elm, leaning against it, laughing as Niko stands beside me…


“Amazing, isn’t it?”


I open my eyes to see Niko’s smiling face. He looks up, urging me to follow his gaze. We’re under the Elm tree. And I’m not just standing under it—I’m leaning against it. And Niko is right beside me, pride and wonder shining in his eyes. And I laugh, a real, genuine, soul-cleansing laugh, just like in my vision.


It is amazing. Life—right now, in this moment—is amazing.


I go from only being able to manifest from a short distance, to teleporting myself across the lake. It’s exhilarating, and the more I do it, the better I get. To know that in one breath, I can be in one place, then miles away in the next…it’s incredible. Hell, I may not ever walk again.


“We better head back,” Niko says, as we watch the sun begin to settle behind the mountains. I turn to him, my expression apprehensive, but he quickly gives me a reassuring smile. “You got this, Gabs. You can do it. But the best part is, you don’t have to do it alone.”


His fingers slide against the inside of my palm before threading through mine, grasping onto me. Refusing to let go. “I’ve got you. And if I feel your hold slipping, I’ll catch you and lead us to safety, ok? You can do this.”


“But what if I…” My voice is small, my lips almost trembling.


“No buts. I don’t want to hear that. You can do this. I believe in you.”


I nod, trying to draw strength from his encouraging expression. Closing my eyes, I imagine we’re both in my hotel room at the Pacifica. The sun has set and the curtains are drawn; yet there’s soft light filtering in form a bedside lamp. I’m standing at the foot of the bed. Niko is beside me. He looks at me, and smiles crookedly. I can’t help but do the same…


Thick arms are banded around me, crushing me to a hard chest. It smells of an ocean breeze and rainwater. I inhale, letting euphoria stir inside me.


Niko gasps, feeling the pull from his body. I step back, terrified of what I’ve just done. I breathed him. Unintentionally, of course, but I did. I pilfered his magic without asking.


“Oh my God,” I shriek, my hands over my mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I was just so caught up in the moment, and happy, and I completely—,”


Niko smiles and shakes his head, his palms raised. “Not a big deal. Honestly, I hardly felt it.”


“But I took from you. Without your permission. Oh my God, I swear—,”


He’s right in front of me, cradling my face in his hands. Tilting my chin so my eyes align with his. “Gabs, it’s fine. Honestly. You’ve had a long day. It’s easy to get caught in the moment.”


My gaze sweeps over the movement of his full lips, and I imagine what they’d feel like against mine. How they’d taste after being wet by his tongue. Oh God, now I’m thinking about his tongue.


“You must be exhausted,” he says stepping away. He turns for the door that connects our rooms, and I suddenly feel panicky. “I can have some food sent up for you, if you like.”


I shrug. “Sure. I guess so.” I’m not even that hungry. Not when my stomach keeps stirring like it’s doing a Zumba routine.


“Ok,” he nods. “You did good today, Gabs. And you’ll keep getting better…stronger. I’m proud of you.”


“Had a good teacher,” I smile.


Niko dips his head in a goodnight, and exits the room, leaving me alone with my insane thoughts. I decide to take a nice, hot bath, hoping it will drown my rising confusion and shame. Yet, as I soak in the bathtub, I can’t honestly see what I have to be ashamed about. Dorian is gone. There’s no guarantee we’ll get him back. And he’s probably fucked Aurora fifty-eleven different ways by now.


Still, that’s not even the worst part. He’s evil. E-V-I-L. And as psychotic as his dad. Can I really excuse all that? Can I honestly forget everything he said to me, even though he wasn’t himself?


Or was he?


I sit in the bath until the water turns cold with my iPod on blast. I’ve traded Bruno Mars for Linkin Park today, needing a reprieve from the sad and sulky lyrics that had rocked me to sleep most nights. And honestly, I don’t really